It is 12:17 in the a.m. and I'm sitting here at my computer, reflecting. While I'm often still awake at this hour, its a rare thing indeed for me to be online and blogging in the middle of the night so this is a fun new experience for everyone I guess! I'll warn you now that I'm more than a little exhausted (read: loopy) so there's no telling what will ensue, but let's just agree to go with it for now and not hold me too terribly accountable for whatever goofy things I might say. Deal?
First I should probably tell you why it is that I'm awake and internetting at this hour. The reason, pure and simple, is that I am forcing myself to stay awake because I need to be at the airport in roughly three and a half hours to catch a 6:00 a.m. flight home. That's right, I'm headed to Kentucky for the weekend and on a scale of 1 to Ecstatic, I'm at like a 47. No joke; I can't wait to be back in the Bluegrass. I think I told you this the last time flew home back in the Fall but I'm much better off staying up all night than trying to sleep for a couple hours and wake up at some ungodly hour and try to get ready then. I feel kind of like death when I do that, so trust me when I say just going total rock star style and staying up for 48 hours works best for me. And no, I never sleep on planes. Tried; can't do it.
I know I've said and done things to lead you to believe otherwise over the past few months but truly, I do not dislike New Orleans. In fact, there are parts of this city I like very much and find rather endearing. I'd say at best I'm finding this to be one of the most fascinating places I've ever lived and at worst, I have a love/hate relationship with the city that varies in degree depending on the day (and weather). That said, given everything that has happened recently I will say that the city has lost a great deal of its charm for me...at least for the time being. Will that come back? I don't know. I think (unfortunately) its often difficult to separate in our minds the bad memories from where the actual events took place. i now completely understand why people often move or make other drastic life changes after a major traumatic event. I think sometimes the pain of being in the place where you experienced hurt is just to great and the only way to move on is to, quite literally, move on.
No, I don't have any plans to permanently leave New Orleans in the immediate future but I have reached a threshold of sorts for being in the city right now. I need to get away from NOLA for a few days. I need to regroup, remind myself that there is in fact life outside of the New Orleans bubble, and just be home for awhile. I want to be surrounded by people who love me unconditionally and support me no matter what. I want to be in a place and surrounded by things that hold nothing but comforting memories for me. I want to, just for a few days, relax and let someone else do all the thinking for awhile.
I plan to return to the big Easy next week rested and rejuvenated and with a "new lease on life" as they say. Or at the very least with my belly full and a few pounds heavier from all the good home cooked food. Either way, I think this little trip is coming at the perfect time and will be very good for me.
Keep it classy NOLA, I'll be back soon.