Midnight Ramblings, Part II

Ok so now that we've established why I'm still awake I can get down to the business of rambling incessantly about whatever tickles my fancy. Yay!

First of all, I'd just like to make note of the fact that I am officially a thin-blooded southerner now. It's been in the mid-fifties all week and I am FREEZING. I can't even fathom what its going to feel like when I step off the plane in Kentucky tomorrow. I may just ball up in a corner and die of hypothermia on the spot, I don't know. I packed my Under Armour and my magic socks but still, I'm scared. (Also, if any one of you is bold enough to bring this up and remind me of this post in say, July when its sweltering and I'm cursing the heat and humidity, I will flat out ignore you).

What are magic socks you ask? Well! Only the greatest invention to ever grace God's green earth after sliced bread and maybe those magic eraser thingies. I don't know what brand these socks are, or what they're made of (unless you can weave socks from awesomeness in which case, that's what it is), but they're freakin' amazing. I have several pairs and for the past few years I've literally lived in them all winter. I swear, I put them on my feet and my whole body warms up--hence the "magic."

What are the odds that they'll let me on the plane with my little hand-held tube of Mace in my purse? This thought just occurred to me. In an effort to NOT find myself on the National Security Threat list, said Mace is going to be removed from my purse for the weekend. Take that, TSA! I didn't fall off the apple cart yesterday.

I just put the second coat of paint on my new TV cabinet (another "stay awake" tactic) and I'm pretty darn thrilled with the result. I'll post pictures later but she is officially approaching perfection. I love it.

I'm listening to iTunes as I type this and can we just agree, that before she developed a massive coke habit and fried her vocal cords, Whitney Houston was nothing short of amazing? I still love Whitney and maintain that there isn't another female singer in the business today with a voice that compares to hers...it makes me sad that she threw away so much of her talent and career.

I think I'm getting senile in my old age. It's probably bad if you can't remember how many pills you've consumed in a day. That's not a good sign, right? Before you freak out about that comment, let me explain. Last weekend I discovered that I had a double ear infection (fun!) and had completely lost my voice (yippee!). No idea if the two were related but the cute doctor at the ER gave my some good antibiotics that have helped tremendously. I'm supposed to take these horse pills three times a day but I'll be darned if I can remember to do that. The other day I went to take one and I literally sat there for five minutes trying to remember if this was pill #2 or #3 for the day. In the end I assumed it was only #2 and took another one later that night. When in doubt, err on the side of non-conservatism! (Ok seriously, it's an antibiotic. What's the worst case scenario here? I get better faster? I'll take my chances on that one).

It is now 1:04 a.m. and I have no idea what to do with myself for the next three hours. Maybe I'll clean the house. That sounds like fun.

Bye!

Midnight Ramblings

It is 12:17 in the a.m. and I'm sitting here at my computer, reflecting. While I'm often still awake at this hour, its a rare thing indeed for me to be online and blogging in the middle of the night so this is a fun new experience for everyone I guess! I'll warn you now that I'm more than a little exhausted (read: loopy) so there's no telling what will ensue, but let's just agree to go with it for now and not hold me too terribly accountable for whatever goofy things I might say. Deal?

First I should probably tell you why it is that I'm awake and internetting at this hour. The reason, pure and simple, is that I am forcing myself to stay awake because I need to be at the airport in roughly three and a half hours to catch a 6:00 a.m. flight home. That's right, I'm headed to Kentucky for the weekend and on a scale of 1 to Ecstatic, I'm at like a 47. No joke; I can't wait to be back in the Bluegrass. I think I told you this the last time flew home back in the Fall but I'm much better off staying up all night than trying to sleep for a couple hours and wake up at some ungodly hour and try to get ready then. I feel kind of like death when I do that, so trust me when I say just going total rock star style and staying up for 48 hours works best for me. And no, I never sleep on planes. Tried; can't do it.

I know I've said and done things to lead you to believe otherwise over the past few months but truly, I do not dislike New Orleans. In fact, there are parts of this city I like very much and find rather endearing. I'd say at best I'm finding this to be one of the most fascinating places I've ever lived and at worst, I have a love/hate relationship with the city that varies in degree depending on the day (and weather). That said, given everything that has happened recently I will say that the city has lost a great deal of its charm for me...at least for the time being. Will that come back? I don't know. I think (unfortunately) its often difficult to separate in our minds the bad memories from where the actual events took place. i now completely understand why people often move or make other drastic life changes after a major traumatic event. I think sometimes the pain of being in the place where you experienced hurt is just to great and the only way to move on is to, quite literally, move on.

No, I don't have any plans to permanently leave New Orleans in the immediate future but I have reached a threshold of sorts for being in the city right now. I need to get away from NOLA for a few days. I need to regroup, remind myself that there is in fact life outside of the New Orleans bubble, and just be home for awhile. I want to be surrounded by people who love me unconditionally and support me no matter what. I want to be in a place and surrounded by things that hold nothing but comforting memories for me. I want to, just for a few days, relax and let someone else do all the thinking for awhile.

I plan to return to the big Easy next week rested and rejuvenated and with a "new lease on life" as they say. Or at the very least with my belly full and a few pounds heavier from all the good home cooked food. Either way, I think this little trip is coming at the perfect time and will be very good for me.

Keep it classy NOLA, I'll be back soon.

What I've Learned

I told you that I've learned more than my fair share of life lessons these past few months. Some of them are too big and too wide to quantify neatly enough to include here but below I've listed some of the ones that I feel are pretty darn profound and that have some significance to me in one way or another. Some of these are my own original thoughts, some of them are pieces of advice from friends, and some are quotes I've picked up in books I've read or movies I've seen...or whatever. Regardless of where they came from, all of them are brilliant, I'm pretty sure.

* Your best friends will always be your best friends, no matter what. And there's nothing better in the whole world than that. No matter how often I see them or how far apart we are, I am surrounded by the most amazing, wonderful people who I know would drop everything to be with me if I needed them. I am so, so thankful for that.

* You have to do what's right for you and quit worrying about pleasing everyone else. This one is hard for me because I am a people pleaser and I can't stand the thought of disappointing anyone. But I'm starting to realize that often, in pleasing everyone else, the person I end up disappointing is myself.

* The people who will judge you are not the people who matter anyway.

* There's no place like home. Sometimes you just need to take a step back from everything and surround yourself with the people who love you the most. Nothing cures a broken heart like a little retail therapy and Mom's fried chicken and for me personally, nothing makes my heart happier than being back in Kentucky for any amount of time.

* For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

* He doesn't need to be reminded that you're great

* No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.

* Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.

* After all... tomorrow is another day.

* Do the best you can with what you've got and what you know at the moment. Really, that's all any of us can do.

* You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.

*It really is ok to "get by with a little help from your friends." Sometimes, they're the only thing keeping you going.

* In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on. --Robert Frost

Project #1

One of the "good" things (and I use the term loosely) about being on my own is that for the first time, I get to do exactly what I want, when I want and how I want. I don't mean that like I'm free to go out bar hopping until 3:00 a.m. with no thought to my responsibilies at home...although I guess I could if I were so inclined. I just mean that for the first time in my life really, I am 100% on my own and responsible for making all of my own decisions. I have my own job, I make my own money, and I spend that money and my time as I see fit.

This whole divorce thing actually happened relatively quickly--for which I am thankful, but it didn't leave me just a ton of time to apartment or furniture hunt. I actually found my new place and moved in under a week, and when I moved I had not a lot of furniture. I basically had the bedroom set I owned before the wedding and a table and chairs and...that's it. No living room furniture, no desk, no bookshelves, not even a computer.

First, let me just say that I love my new place. And even more importantly, I'm proud of myself for finding it and leasing it all by myself, without help or guidance or advise from anyone. It was a little scary, I'm not gonna lie, to sign that agreement without getting a second opinion from anyone, but at the end of the day it turned out really well and the sense of accomplishment I feel makes it worth the apprehension I had in the beginning.

I decided that when it comes to actually furnishing the new house, I'm going to take my time and look for pieces that I really love. Even though I have no living room furniture (I've been watching TV sitting on an air mattress the past couple weeks) I didn't just rush out and buy the first couch I found. I figured that this is a semi-major purchase, its going to be an investment, and I want it to be exactly what I want. So instead of buying one off the floor at some furniture store, I ordered exactly what I want and am having the thing reupholstered to a fabric that I chose myself. Yes, that means I'll have to wait 6-8 weeks before it actually arrives but when it does, I know that it'll be perfect. And so far none of my friends even seem to mind that when they come over I can't actually offer them a place to sit.

So new couch is ordered and should arrive next month, but while I was out and about over the weekend, I found something else that I absolutely wanted for my new living room.



One of my friends and I found this little beauty in the back room of an antique consignment shop in Metairie and as soon as I saw it, I knew it was exactly what I wanted to sit my TV on. Seriously, how adorable is this? Going forward we are now going to refer to her as "Project #1" because in her current state she won't really match anything else I own or fit in with the "look" I think I want. Once I get finished sanding her down and painting her a shiny cherry red though, she will be completely perfect.

Thankful

There are many, many lessons that I've learned in the past six months or so. More lessons even than I could begin to list right now in fact, so I won't even try. Maybe another day. One of the biggest things I've learned though, and one of the things I am now most thankful for, is that at some point in our lives we all are going to get to a place where we just need to lean on others for a little while. This hasn't necessarily been easy for me to do; I've always (at least in my own mind) been convinced that I'm this terribly independent, doesn't-need-anyone, do-it-myself, kind of girl. But I see now that there are just going to be times when we can't do it on our own anymore and we have to have a little help.

It is the times like these I think, where you find out once and for all who your true friends are. The ones who can't be bothered, or who make empty promises to be there for you, or who say they'll call and don't...they're not the ones who matter. The people who matter, the people who we should hold on tightly to and never, ever let go of, are the ones who can be bothered, who don't make empty promises, and who do take the time to call. The Wizard of Oz said that "The heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." If this is really true then I think I must be the luckiest, most blessed girl in the entire world because I am completely surrounded by people who love me and who have gone out of their way in the past few weeks to make sure I am ok.

To all of you who have called, or sent sweet notes, or flowers, or books or random texts to tell me you love me and are thinking of me...thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your kindesses have meant more and done more for me than you can possibly know and I am forever grateful to all of you. I don't know where I would be right now if not for you all and I can only hope that if you ever need me I can be as good to you as you have been to me.

"That was rough.... Thing to do now is try and forget it.... I guess I don't quite mean that. It's not a thing you can forget. Maybe not even a thing you want to forget.... Life's like that sometimes... Now and then for no good reason a man can figure out, life will just haul off and knock him flat, slam him agin' the ground so hard it seems like all his insides is busted. But it's not all like that. A lot of it's mighty fine, and you can't afford to waste the good part frettin' about the bad. That makes it all bad.... Sure, I know - sayin' it's one thing and feelin' it's another. But I'll tell you a trick that's sometimes a big help. When you start lookin' around for something good to take the place of the bad, as a general rule you can find it."

I am about to emark on what may or may not be the craziest, most fun weekend I've had since moving to NOLA. It's Mardi Gras time and I can't wait!!! I'll likely be nowhere near a computer for the next few days but I promise to post lots of pictures once everything winds down. Cheers!